Game 2 – Iowa vs Florida International

Hello football fans!!!

First day of school…errr…work.  It’s funny that my first day of work (day after Labor Day) is the same day that many kids are going back to school.  I’m nervous, a little excited, and I swear that I have a zit on the right side of my chin that wasn’t there when I went to bed last night.  I popped it in the shower and I believe it was a thorough pop that removed all the pulp – I’ll take that as a good sign.

And how was my first day of work spent?  By catching a 6:55 AM flight from Minneapolis, a near 4 hour layover in O’hare – without a laptop, then a few more hours to wind up in Detroit.  Ugh.  Welcome back to corporate America, JTG.  And getting the news on Sunday (when I got back) that I was connecting in Chicago/O’Hare is bad news that falls somewhere around “a Katrina-like hurricane is heading towards your city” and “Ken O’Keefe will remain as our offensive coordinator”.  Without fail, there were electrical problems that delayed our flight.

I’ve traveled 1,000 times and it still feels stressful to me to be in and around airports.  I can’t completely relax until I check into my hotel (with all my luggage).  It’s like a full day of somebody flicking you in the right testy every so often.  Not a direct hit – just enough to remind you of your current situation.

However, I HAVE found a few good things:

• I’m travelling for work again = everything is free!

• Have you seen these automatic toilet seat covers?!?!??? You wave your hand in front of a sensor by the stall, and then some contraption behind the terlet rotates a fresh new sheet of siran-wrap-like material on your toilet seat! WOW!

I’m still not sure if this more sanitary than the fool-proof “spit on a piece of TP then wipe the perimeter of the seat” method that I’ve been employing for the past 10 years for public seats, but I’ll take it.  We could have used one of these things at my college house.

And how far can we take this?  Can I get some kind of robotic genie to come out of my nightstand and put a raincoat on for me?  I’m so intrigued…

• Hot women. I swear there are more hot chicks walking through the airport than there are in most normal public settings. I believe this is because ugly women have little reason to travel besides flying for elective surgery.

• Random political thought(s) (or about as deep as I like to get). Doesn’t it look like – at any time – Sarah Palin will throw her eyeglasses to the side, spin her hair around so it falls over her shoulders, then jump on the desk and start dancing like in a Van Halen video? I’m hot for the Palin.

And did you see that poor kid that knocked up Palin’s daughter?  WOW.  If that’s not a classic case of “deer-caught-in-the-headlights” I don’t know what is.  2 weeks ago, he was bangin’ the governor’s hot daughter, now he’s on stage at the RNC with a secret service agent in his back pocket.  Shotgun wedding?  How about a Shotgun Campaign!

Random Meeechigan/Detroit thoughts:

• MUCH better drivers than in Minnesota. That’s not saying much, I know. They know how to merge. I’ve had a much better representation of Michigan peeps while I’ve been here this week than I’ve had from the past: a crazy ex-girlfriend, a bad co-worker, and Meeechigan fans at Kinnick that bring cowbells.

• Hot chicks galore. This could be because I’m recently single and on the road – that’s a lethal mix – but I swear every girl is in that “not skinny but not chubby” range with big hoots. And I LOVE that range.

• I don’t have a couch. So I don’t fit in because I have nothing to burn.

• My hotel is on 6 Mile. My office is on 10 Mile. I cross 8 Mile @ 7:45AM and 5:15PM. Which means 2x a day I sing:

“YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF TO THA MUSIC THE MOMENT YOU OWN IT – YOU BETTER NEVER LET IT GO – HO – YOU ONLY GET ONE CHANCE – DO NOT MISS YOUR CHANCE TA BLOW – THIS OPPORTUNITY COMES ONCE IN A LIFETIME, YO!”

FOOTBALL

WEEK 2:

Yea, __________ looked good…but come on…it was only Maine.”

That line (or some version of it) was uttered roughly 70,000 times on Saturday after the game.  And I agree, you have to take all the positives from last Saturday with a grain of salt.  But you only have to take a look at how Pittsburgh and Virginia Tech last weekend to be thankful.  We were supposed to look good…and we did.  You can’t fault the players and/or coaches for that.

What I liked Saturday:

The RB’s

All of ‘em!  Shonn Greene got worked like a rented mule and he responded WELL.  What a perfect setting for his first game back: first game, HOT day, inferior opponent.  Anybody that played football knows you can run all summer, but you get into the best shape after that first game.  I think “S-to-tha-G” almost died on the field at some point, and that’s a-ok.  And for the record: I find it very impressive that Greene made it back to the team.  He made a mistake – let his grads get away from him and lose football.  But then he went to Kirkwood, stayed in relatively good shape, got a job at a furniture store, got his grades up, and stuck to his words and came back.  Amazing – I tip my hat to Shonn Greene.

Don’t sleep on Paki O’Meara!  It’s the new Pak-Man, ladies and gents!!!

Jewell Hampton – wow!  We’ve really found the diamond in the rough, folks!!!  No?  How about “Now we know who the jewel of the recruiting class is!!!”  Nope?  Last one: “Diamonds are a Hawk’s best friend.”  I’m done – but he isn’t.  That kid looked crisp.

Special Teams

All of ‘em!  Even though there’s a difference between Maine and in the return game, there’s no difference between Kinnick and for the kicking and punting.  I thought Ryan Donahue, Freshmen Trent Mossbrucker, and Daniel Murry all looked sharp.

And our return game DID look good.  Brodell’s returns are safe yet productive.  DJK is exciting.  And the coverage teams looked good too.

I cannot express enough how important this will become as the season goes on.  Other than turnovers, it’s the area where we HAVE TO HAVE the most consistency.

The Play-Calling

Did I just say that?

We stuck to the run, and I seriously – taking a deep breath here – thought I saw a new wrinkle or two from our playbook.  It was almost like – gasp – the coaches wanted to practice our plays and give the other teams something to prepare for!  It was like somebody accidentally loaded up another playbook from the start screen on NCAA ‘09.  Cross-motion from Any Brodell?!???  WOW.  8-yard routes on 3rd and 7?!???  Whoa!

Have I completely forgotten the past two years with O’Keefe?  Of course not.  But last Saturday at least gives me a glimmer of hope that we’ve evolved and improved as an offense.  I know it was only Maine…but I’m a pint is half full type of guy.

What I didn’t like:

The QB Controversy

We have one.  I thought Jake Christensen looked poor to OK.  We all saw some of the very same things that we saw last year – badly over/under thrown balls and shoddy decision-making.  His interceptions was a horribly underthrown ball, and he should have got another one when he threw one up for grabs and Brodell got the flag instead.  Not good.

Meanwhile, back at the hacienda…Rick (I refused to call him Ricky, by the way) Stanzi looked great.  He just…I dunno…looks the part.  He’s more fluid.  More comfortable.  Comparing Christensen to Stanzi is like comparing the 22-year-old me to the current me when talking to women.

(SIDENOTE: I jettisoned the 24-year-old.  I just couldn’t do it.  She was starting to really like me – bleeckh! – and I don’t have the heart for that right now except for the right girl.  We’re onto the 27-year-old that my buddy set me up with.  She’s nice.  And has big hooters.)

The reason I don’t like this QB thing?  Because ISU is a week away and I don’t want any stress on over who’s going to play.

Florida International Golden Panthers @ Iowa Hawkeyes (11:00 AM, BTN, Line: 26.5)

I don’t know much about FIU.  Who does?  They got beat rather handily by Kansas last week: 40-10.  But that’s a good Kansas team (or is supposed to be good) and they forced a lot of turnovers.  I also know they’re QB’s name is Paul McCall.  And if I were him when two people asked me somethin’, I would always say: “Yo – my name’s Paul McCall and that’s between y’all.”  Their coach’s name is Mario Cristobal – which is even better!

Let’s look into my Cristobal:

Game:

Iowa runs the ball effectively, commits one bad turnover in the first half, but otherwise looks OK.

Iowa Hawkeyes 34  -  Florida International Golden Panthers 10

I don’t really freakin’ CARE!  I’m only thinking about the ISU game next week.  If the coaches didn’t work on ISU’s offense this week (in addition to FIU) than color me disappointed.  You’ll never believe this, but I have more to write on this next week.  I really fucking hate…Iowa State.

“Precarious Predictions”    Week 2    YTD NCAA Record    1-4

UNfreakingbelievable.  I WON’T play catch up again this year.  I’m getting it back this week and next.  And I DID hit my lock last weekend (Missouri).

And these games are bad this week; it’s hard for me to find 5 games worth mentioning.  That’s not an excuse – I’m going to go 3-2 or 4-1 this week.

Games of note (kinda):

Oregon State @ #19 Penn State – 2:30PM / ABC-HD / Line: Penn State by 15
I just have this sneaking suspicion that Penn State is really, really good.  I’m going with them until they prove me wrong.  Or until they prove me wrong 9 times.  Whatever.
Penn State covers.

Marshall @ #11 Wisconsin – 11:00AM / BTN / Line: Wisconsin by 21
I usually don’t believe in Wisconsin to cover large spreads.  And they play a tough road game next week @ Fresno State.  This is a classic trap game.  There’s no reason they should cover 3 TD’s.  So why am I thinking this is Wisconsin?  I don’t know.
Wisconsin covers.

Kent State @ Iowa State – 6:00 PM / haha / Line: ISU by 7
Classic “ISU looks like shite before the Iowa game” game.
Kent State and the points.

Eastern Michigan @ Michigan State – 11:00 AM / BTN/ Line: Michigan State by 21
I still think Michigan State is for real.
Sparty covers.

Game of the Week:

Miami vs. #5 Florida – 7:00 PM / ESPN-HD / Line: Florida by 23
What do we really know about either of these teams?  Nothing.  I just think that really seems like a lot of points in a rivalry.
Miami and the points.

N ational  F ootball  L eague

Very quickly.

I think…

• Favre will struggle, and step down by the 13th week of the season.
• Aaron Rodgers will get hurt…but the Packers will still win the NFC North.
• The Vikings will miss the playoffs on the last game of the year.
• Eli will play well – but no way the G-Men will get back to the Super Bowl.
• The Patriots will have to battle for a first round buy.
• The Cardinals will disappoint as usual.
• The Cowboys are the real deal.
• I will look at the TV screen every time I’m watching a Cowboys game and they mention Jessica Simpson.
• The Eagles will win the NFC East.
• The Steelers are going to be the best team ever to make the playoffs with a 10-6 Wild Card or miss it altogether.
• The Browns will disappoint.
• Everybody is forgetting how many injuries the Chargers have.
• Ladanian Tomlinsin will have a down year.
• The Titans are going to surprise a LOT of people.
• The Saints will be a boom or bust type of team (NFC Championship or miss playoffs).
• The Colts will struggle, but still make the playoffs.
• The Bears are going to suck so bad that they may have to build monuments so we can all gather every year to commemorate their amazing suckitude.

• The Cowboys are going to beat the Titans in the Super Bowl.

“Precarious Predictions”    Week 1    YTD NFL Record    0-0

Texans @ Steelers         NOON    CBS    Line: Steelers by 6
Steelers Cover.

Rams @ Eagles        NOON    FOX    Line: Eagles by 7
Eagles Cover.

Cowboys @ Browns        3:15    FOX    Line: Cowboys by 6
Browns Cover (but Cowboys win).

Bears @ Colts            7:15    NBC    Line: Colts by 9.5
I like this at 13.

Lock of the Week
Bengals @ Ravens        NOON    CBS    Line: Bengals by 1.5
Rookie QB against a motivated Bengals team?
Bengals (-1) over the Ravens

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO HAWKS!

-Jeffrey the Greek!