Hello football fans!!!
It’s officially official – FOOTBALL IS BACK! It’s snuck up on me again this year, and I have to admit that I’m about as prepared for the first weekend of football as the Iowa City Police Department is at searching for dead bodies. And although I also like to fondle women for favors, I see no reason to end my life over this. There…it only took me until the 2nd JTG of the season to make a very questionable, off-color joke.
Onward with perhaps the longest JTG ever!
First Topic: Let’s talk Big Ten Football
Although it’s not hard to see that the Big Ten is “down”…could we please stop kicking dirt on the entire conference? Is the Big Ten as good as the SEC? Obviously not. Is it as good as the Big 12? Nope – not this year – the Big 12 is VERY strong with an embarrassment of riches at the QB position. But after that, the Big Ten not only compares to, but is better than the other 3 BCS conferences. I will not flinch when I say that, and I whole-heartedly believe it to be true.
Take a look at the conferences and the top teams, as ranked by USA Today:
Big 10 Pac-10 Big East ACC
#2 Ohio State #3 USC #8 W. Virginia #9 Clemson
#12 Wisconsin #16 ASU #21 S. Florida #15 Va Tech
#19 Illinois #20 Oregon UR Rutgers #23 Wake Forest
#22 Penn State UR California UR Pittsburgh UR Florida State
#24 Meeechigan UR Oregon St UR Cincinnati UR Virginia
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Michigan St UCLA Louisville Boston College
Indiana Washington St UConn Maryland
Iowa Arizona Syracuse North Carolina
Purdue Washington N/A Georgia Tech
Northwestern Stanford N/A Miami
Minnesota N/A N/A NC State
N/A N/A N/A Duke
So from what I can tell (and what USA Today says as well) the Big Ten is the only conference that has 5 teams ranked in the top 25 after the SEC and the Big 12, who have 5 each as well. Does that surprise you, perhaps? The Pac-10 has three teams in the top 25, and the Big East has only TWO! In fact, I used to think that the ACC was the worst conference, but I might have to give that title to the Basketball conference.
Now granted, the SEC’s 2nd tier of teams are better than the Big Ten and Big 12…but this gigantic gap that people are talking about between the Big Ten and everybody else is a bunch of BS. And just for the record, the Big Ten is 3-3 against the SEC in bowl games the past two seasons.
YES – Ohio State has been beaten twice the past two seasons in their bowl games versus the SEC. But these were BOTH FOR THE BCS CHAMPIONSHIP?!?!??? Would you rather go to the Chick-Fil-A bowl and beat a Mid-Majors 2nd best team? And the funny thing, the ACC usually can’t even do that.
Done with this argument! (For now.)
Second Topic: My order of finish for the Big Ten
1st) Ohio State
2nd) Penn State
T-3rd) Wisconsin
Michigan State
5th) Meeechigan
T-6th) Illinois
Purdue
8th) Indiana
T9th) Iowa
Northwestern
Minnesota
Third Topic: What I predict Iowa’s record will be this year (game-by-game)
Maine W (1-0)
FIU W (2-0)
ISU L (2-1)
@ Pittsburgh L (2-2)
Northwestern W (3-2)
@ Michigan St L (3-3)
@ Indiana L (3-4)
Wisconsin W (4-4)
@ Illinois L (4-5)
Penn St L (4-6)
Purdue L (4-7)
Minnesota L (4-8)
I’m sorry. But does this REALLY feel like a team and/or program that’s ready to take a jump back into the spotlight? Or does this feel like the last-ditch effort of a staff before shit REALLY hits the fan and things finally get changed? I think this stinks like the latter, but good-Lord I hope I’m wrong.
And I often am.
Third Topic ‘B’: Why I think we’ll go 4-8 (and be so bad)
Because the only TWO reasons I can think of that will stop the Hawks from sucking pond water are:
Reason #1) Our defense could be special
Reason #2) The new coach, Coach Campbell (Couch Soup), could bring something new to the offense.
Reason #3) Shonn Greene should make everything OK.
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Reason #1) So let me get this straight…I’m supposed to believe that we’ll have a defense to hang our hats on and give the offense time to find it’s rhythm (trying not to laugh nervously as I type that). Really?!?!??? Is it just me, or is this the same defense THAT’S:
- Replacing two LB’s (who were #1 and #2 tackling)
- Replacing two DE’s
- Replacing two CB’s
- Has little to no depth at any position
I think I just threw up in my mouth.
Reason #2) What do we really know about Coach Soup? Well…we know that he came from Meeechigan. And we know that he was on Lloyd Carr’s staff. Ummm…isn’t that the same staff that got run outta town? What can a first-year coach – a RECEIVER COACH – really do in his first year on the staff? And does this look like the staff that would make changes right away? This guy is going to have his hands full just teaching his position players to run routes! When will he have time to come up with amazing wrinkles in the offense?
I think I just pooped in my pants.
Reason #3) Do I like Shonn Greene? Yessir – and I’m glad as hell that he’s back. But we have NOBODY behind him!!! Nate Guillory is transferring (which by all accounts doesn’t matter because he was so bad). But then we have Paki Omeara and two true freshmen!?!?! Does that not alarm any of you? Freaking Ken O’keefe wouldn’t commit to the run last year when we had two Senior RB’s – why do you think he’ll do it THIS YEAR.
Screw it…gimme that high-powered rifle and I’m going to the park by myself.
Fourth Topic: Position-by-position grade and comment:
Offense
QB #1: Jake Christiansen Grade: C-
I’ve completely fallen off the Jake-backer bandwagon. Although I still agree that he had a tough row to hoe last year, he’s still a shitty farmer. I bet his beans have a lot of buttonweed.
QB #2: Rick Stanzi Grade: C-
What do we I/we know about this guy? He’s already the most favoritist player on the team and he might throw a worst ball that my dad in his chore boots for all I know!?!?!!!
RB#1: Shonn Greene Grade: B
I like Shonn Greene – I think he will help get us into shorter 2nd and 3rd down situations. Best case scenario: A Reshard Mendenhall type of impact:
RB #2: ANYBODY Grade: D
How can we not have somebody better at RB to back-up Greene??? We’re a Big Ten school.
TE: Tony Moeaki Grade: B
I know he’s hurt, but I think Tony will be a big play-maker this year…IF HE STAYS HEALTHY.
WR #1: Andy Brodell Grade: B-
He’s fast, and I think he’s poised to have a good year…IF HE STAYS HEALTHY.
WR#2: Trey Stross: Grade: C
He’s got good hands, and I think he’s poised to have a good year…IF HE STAYS HEALTHY.
WR #3: DJK Grade: B-
I’m excited to see DJK now that he’s had a spring and fall under Coach Soup.
OL: EVERYBODY Grade: C+
I’m cautiously optimistic with this crew; I think we will be much improved from last year. I think Bulaga, Olsen, and Bruggeman are studs in the making. I’m OK with Calloway, Doering, Eubanks, Kuempel. This is the unit I’m most looking forward to watching.
That last sentence sounded very gay.
Cumulative Offensive Grade: C
In this game, “C” students do NOT rule the world.
Defense:
DE: Ballard/Clayborn Grade: B
I don’t know why I’m so excited about these guys; maybe it’s because they look like they could be wearing LSU uniforms?!?!? I have my hopes up.
DT: King/Kroul Grade: A-
Anything less would be uncivilized.
LB’s: Everybody Grade: B
I’m being very generous with this grade, since we’re replacing two starters. However, Edds is a STUD and I think we’re OK at MLB with either Coleman or Angerer; I like Hunter and Tarpinian as well. I think our LB crew will be athletic/
CB’s: Fletcher/Spivey Grade: C+
Our corners aren’t asked to do much – yet I think these two will be OK. Definite drop-off from Godfrey last year, but probable jump UP from Shada.
Safety’s: Dalton/Greenwood Grade: C+
Is this even the starting two? I don’t know – I’m hoping my boy Tillison steps up; I also like Tyler Sash. This could wind up being a good group –especially if Dalton gets beat out.
Cumulative Defensive Grade: B
But we’re all hoping for an A! As in an ASS kicking defense!
Fifth Topic: I’m an idiot
Keep in mind that I just spend the past 8 weeks unemployed.
WEEK 1:
Maine Black Bears @ Iowa Hawkeyes (11:00 AM, BTN, Line: OFF – but I’ve seen it @ 23)
All right…I need to calm down.
Game:
Maine has a good defense – complete with an NFL quality DE (I don’t even know his name – just look for a big black guy that’s good). So this just might be the perfect “tune-up” game for the Week 1 Hawks and our offense. I highly expect our offense to struggle in the first half, and will be pleasantly surprised if I see anything else besides that.
Maine has a bad offense – they have a QB just getting off of an injury and no true stars to speak of. If I see anything less than domination by our defense – I’ll be disappointed.
I’m only looking at the O-line and D-line. I want to see good things from the O-line’ that’s right…I’m just hoping for pretty good things from my Big Ten Offensive line as they team up against a D-AA team that I didn’t know existed until Kirk Ferentz became our coach.
Of course I’m going to watch Jake Christensen. I’m going to watch Rick Stanzi when he gets in (Ferentz said that he would for sure). I’m going to watch Shonn Greene.
And if we don’t kill them, I’m going to watch a lot of angry people file outta Kinnick Stadium; this prediction probably doesn’t count as us “killing them”.
Iowa Hawkeyes 30 - Maine Black Bears 7
“Precarious Predictions” Week 1 YTD Record 0-0
Games of note (Saturday):
Alabama @ #9 Clemson – 7:00 PM / ABC-HD / Line: Clemson by 4.5
I don’t believe in Clemson – but they start out well and they’re at home.
Clemson covers.
Utah @ #24 Meeechigan – 2:30 PM / ABC-HD / Line: Mich by 3
I understand that Meeechigan got beat in “this game” last year. But this will be a VERY fired up Meeechigan team at home. F that low spread.
Meeechigan covers.
Michigan State @ California – 7:00 PM / ABC-HD / Line: Cal by 4.5
This is a tough game to pick…but something tells me Michigan State is for real.
Michigan State and the points.
Washington @ #20 Oregon – 2:30PM / Line: Oregon by 14
Whoa! Too many points.
Washington and the points.
Game of the Week:
#19 Illinois vs. #7 Missouri – 7:00 PM / Line: Missouri by 9
I want to cheer for the Big Ten – but I like money more. I believe Illinois is VERY suspect. Are they playing to prove that last year wasn’t a fluke? Guess what – so is Mizzou; and they’re better. This will be tight, as I believe Illinois has a good defense. But I think the final score will be somewhere around 28-13.
Here’s my first lock of the year that probably won’t hit:
Missouri covers.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tailgating is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GO HAWKS!
-Jeffrey the Greek!
NEXT WEEK:
I start my new job and my schedule/computer use will be tough to come by. I hope to write something on the NFL and more college. I pre-apologize for anything else.
Posted by Jeff Buch 
